This is the all too detailed account of the who, what, when, where and how that has created the monster we like to call KittyMau.

I was born a Virgo in 1973 in the big ass state of Texas. Mom was 17 and dad was 18. As you can guess that didn't last long and they divorced when I was 5. Up till then life was pretty normal. Mom dressed me in god-awful 70's garb and I lived a pretty normal childhood. That is unless you count the time I ate a pan full of pot brownies. I had an Irish Setter named Sheba. Sheba had puppies. I put them in bowls and tossed them in the air and tried to catch them. I failed mostly. I also had a Cocker Spaniel named Cinnamon. But he got ran over and hence I had my first encounter with death. My mom was pretty matter-of-fact and didn't allow for much grieving. It set the tone for how hardships were to be dealt with in my life. My parents' divorce was very amicable and I spent a lot of time with my dad and his parents. My dad got out of the Army and went on to bigger and better things...like drug dealing. I began to see less and less of him. My mom and I moved to a nearby town and dad visited occasionally and even stayed with us for a short time. My mom then met my first stepdad. When I was in 1st grade we moved in with him. He was not what I would call "normal". He was an avid pot smoker and an obsessive compulsive especially when it came to his prize record collection. He catalogued the entire thing in notebooks which listed every album, every song, and each song's time to the second. If you touched it, you paid dearly. My favorite bands at the time were Kiss and Johnny Lee. My favorite shows were G-Force and Battle Star Galactica. My favorite movies were Star Wars and The Swamp Thing. I spent my time telling stories about being abducted by aliens and my theory about how the earth was in a "bigger person's" keychain. It was also at this time that I had my first brush with the supernatural. Often I would awake in the middle of the night for no reason to find glowing "ghost balls" hovering in my room. Sometimes it was one ball, sometimes it was many balls and sometimes it was one ball that broke into small balls as I watched. I learned to cover my head and wish them away. There were also ominous shadows in my room that despite our efforts we could neither find the source of nor make disappear. I also got into my first major car accident at that time. On a weekend trip with my dad he rear ended another car and my head slammed into the volume knob on the radio. I have a permanent scar on my forehead to this day. I didn't see my dad much during those days. He often sent me nice gifts from around the country presumably while on drug runs. We moved again. Moving was a part of life. I was always the new kid and it didn't bother me much. I simply learned not to care for or miss anyone. Fast forward to 4th grade. At this point my mom and her boyfriend bought some property in the country and they finally got married. And I finally got proof he was a pyscho. Normal childhood seemed to cease forever at this point. Instead of playing with dolls and friends, I was isolated from other children (we didn't have many neighbors) and I had many chores to do. My chores mostly consisted of picking up rocks. Yea, rocks. They were used for all sorts of projects on the property and it was my job to collect wheel barrow upon wheel barrow full of them. I worked all year long in Texas heat and chilly cold to fill the barrow before I was allowed to do anything else. I spent summers filling the barrow and studying. Learning was an escape and I loved it compared to what else life offered. Wondering where Dad went? Well he eventually got busted and ended up in prison. I visited him often and felt little pity for his life behind bars. But I did miss him and I wished that he would have made better choices so I could see him more. I looked forward to him getting out and being a dad again. Eventually other kids moved in and I made some friends but I wasn't allowed much of a social life and I was very shy. The summer after 5th grade my mom and the psycho divorced and we moved to Austin. That is pretty much when all hell broke loose and life got real interesting real fast. I moved to the big city and lived in a neighborhood of complete hoodlums. All of which were older than me. I was shy but it didn't take long for me to catch on to things. Before you knew it I had smoked pot, snorted meth, had sex, dropped acid and my normal op mode...drinking straight Jack. I snuck out almost every night and partied with high schoolers (I was in junior high) when I was bored but mostly hung out with twenty somethings. I got caught a lot and pretty much spent my entire life from then till I was 15 grounded. I didn't care much. I was an honor roll student and having fun. My poor mom was working full time and going to school full time. she had little to no time to deal with what I was becoming. I was out of control. About that time she started dating the guy who would become stepdad numero dos. It was everything they could do to keep me out of jail and alive. I attempted suicide, ran away, disappeared for days at a time often. For the first time in ages we had managed to stay in one place for a while and I had made some friends. Dad got out of jail and moved to Dallas with my new step mom. It was about that time (8th grade - 14 yo) that I was told we were moving...again. We moved to Dallas. It was at this time that all the worst things in my life were to take place. I'll save the gory details and leave it at this: I got mixed up with Confederate Hammer skinheads, watched by the FBI, raped, and spent much of my time wishing I were dead. Despite living in the same city as my dad, I rarely saw him. He made little attempt to be a part of my life and had a son of his own. I decided to spend a few months babysitting for him one summer. I was pretty geeked to be able to spend so much time with my dad and away from he other madness in my life. The first weekend I was there he left me and went to Vegas. I decided to go back home. I hated him for that. The next year I moved back to Austin in the middle of my 10th grade year and was again living in the country. My mother and I had been fighting regularly since I was 11 but now it was worse than it ever had been and I knew I couldn't stay much longer. I met Mike when I was 15. He was 20 and in the Army. My mom decided I could move out with him as long as I didn't leave the state. It was drastic but we both felt helpless about the situation. I'm pretty sure we both wanted each other dead. Mike and I lived in Austin for a few months and then we decided to go visit his family in friends in Detroit. The plan was that we'd come back in September and I would go to school. Well of course, that didn't happen. We stayed in Detroit. My mom pretty much figured it was over for me and I was a total loss. I decided then and there to prove her wrong. I asked her to give Mike permission to check me into school and handle that sort of thing and she had some papers drawn up that allowed us to do so. I checked into school. Life was different in Detroit. I went to school with gang bangers, crack heads and armed guards. Great place for a skinhead eh? It didn't take long for those views to change. And by the time the US Marshall showed up in my school to subpoena me to testify in the US via Dumb Ass Skindeads I had all but left the idiocy behind. I ended up spending 2 years in Detroit. I graduated 19 of 450+ Magna Cum So Louda and made my mamma proud. Along the way I made some dear friends. But I grew up and apart from Mike. He and I broke up and dated Jason (one of 2 ex boyfriends I'd actually harm if weren't illegal) and Liam my Dimestore Slut (one of many great friends to make a lasting mark on my life). I moved back to Texas right after graduation and went about the business of getting my proverbial shit together. Later that year I met Robbie Lee the second great love of my life. We had a beautiful sweet love affair until one fateful night. No one but Robbie knows what happened that night but I guess we all have our guesses. What we do know is that Robbie suffered a severe traumatic gunshot wound tot he left temporal lobe. It was self-inflicted. The "why" remains a mystery. My guess? He was finally happy and ready to die that way. As you can imagine it changed Robbie forever. Hence it changed us forever. We spent the next 3 years in a very tumultuous and extremely emotionally abusive relationship. I learned a valuable lesson about holding on too long. I might have learned it too well. Again I skip the gory details but suffice to say that it is a miracle we are the good friends we are today despite the pain of those many years. We did have a lot of good times and fun. While all that was going on I was in community college pursuing my paralegal degree. I had managed to impress an attorney who was one of my instructors and he invited me then and there to work for his firm. So I began a 5.5 year stint as a paralegal. By the time I graduated (took about 3 years) I hated law. Despite the urging of many to go to law school I decided to take time off and think about what I wanted to do. After Robbie and I broke up for good I dated sporadically. I met Kris (the second ex boyfriend I would hurt it it weren't illegal). He was a very jealous pathetically lazy user and one night he went too far and punched my in the mouth. All the codependency I had developed with Robbie suddenly melted away as I threw him out immediately. I didn't know I had that in me and I was very proud I did. I decided I needed some time for me and to figure out who I was. I gave myself a priceless gift of one month away from the world. All I did was work and pursue self-discovery. It was the best thing I ever did. I learned more about myself in that month than I had in my life up till then. A few years before I had discovered BBSing and was already well on my way to being a Chat Geek. I quickly moved on from BBS's to IRC and met two people whom I hope will be lifelong friend. Korie and Tim. They are two men whom have never left me. Always been there for me and whom I would give anything for. Soon after that I met Carol. Carol and I dated for about 2.5 years. We were probably the world's cutest couple. And really it was a beautiful relationship. But we were also dangerous for each other. And I wanted more in life than it seemed like she was ready for. It was about that time that I had that twenty something life epiphany. That "oh shit what am I doing where am I going" thing. And I decided I wanted more. I made some big life changes and really grew up. One thing I did was cut ties with my dad. I could no longer take the continuous "holiday lie". that was my term for the obligatory holiday father daughter calls. They were bullshit and fake and they were hurting me. It was right before my 24th bday that I met Garrett. Carol will probably forever think that I broke up with her for Garrett but it was a really one of those life coincidences. Garrett was 19 and I was 24. We fell instantly for each other and he soon moved from Michigan (another Detroit boy) to live here in Texas. Garrett brought the stability to my life that I had so desperately needed. We dated for 2.5 years and then in November he asked me to marry him. I of course said yes and we had a 2 year engagement. In that time I had finally quit the law office and went on to different things. He was moving up as a programmer at Dell and we decided to build a house. We were married in Sept 2001. Despite our long relationship, our marriage lasted only 9 months. Again, skirting the gories, I'll simply say I was devastated. It was one of those things you know there is no use in fighting though. I knew he was gone and I let him go gracefully. At the time I write this, it has been about 9 months since that happened. I am, despite thinking I never would be, happy. I feel like life has given me a second chance. See for all the stability I had with Garrett, I didn't realize how smothered I was. How much I missed communication and passion. Korie, whom I consider to be the closest thing I'll ever understand a soulmate to be and I have renewed our communication and I value my friends more than I ever have in the past. I think the past couple of years should be deemed "the cancer years." One of my dearest friends had cancer and I was scared everyday that I would loose him. As of this writing Tim has beaten the Lymphoma. Truly terrific!  Mark and I met shortly after my divorce and he taught me a lot about dealing and coping. He had gone through a very similar experience and he mentored me. Probably not a smart idea to try to make a relationship out of those commonalities but you live and learn. He probably found out more about me in that year than Garrett did in 5 years. It's hard to write about Mark because he's this strange anomaly - I think they call it a rebound - We broke up quietly enuf, not much drama, but since our breakup my disdain for him has grown exponentially. Not long after that breakup, I met Jack. Sometimes you just connect so perfectly with someone. It was everything I could do to take the relationship safe and sane. But we did things the right way and took it slowly. It's really cool to have someone turn to you - depend on you. It's been a year now and we are falling more in love every day. It's not an easy road with the cultural differences in our families. But I have hope and faith. I think we can make it together.